This is where I stand.

I thought I would take this place and use this time to write down what I am feeling and thinking and offer it for public consumption.

There’s a lot of things I am dealing with. The birth of my child, the death of my father, the end of my relationship, my search for God and some sense of holiness in my life. In the past while I have become a Christian and I am not sure what that means or how that fits my life. In fact in some ways it contradicts what feels real and right for me.

Day to day I am dealing with hunger, poverty and unemployment. Trying to remain in contact and have access to my daughter. I am struggling with depression and a tendency to be emotionally volatile. As an artistic person and one of high intelligence I feel things in some incredible and magnified way. I can be struck dumb by the way a shadow falls from a tree. Or I can be brought to tears by a memory triggered by a flash of colour. I am a strange animal. I feel like perhaps I am rare, there does not seem to be many like me out there. And that’s probably a good thing.

Whatever this all means I can’t say. I just really need a place to put down my thoughts, my words. That’s the great paradox. As a man who is so afraid of contact, I am in desperate need of it. To be understood. To be heard. To have someone see it from where I stand.

I always liked the imagery and sound of John the Baptist when he says “I am merely one crying out in the wilderness.” Can you hear my cry?

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