Brief interlude where the sun breaks.
“It used to be I was really free,
I didn’t need no gasoline to run,
Before you could say Jack Kerouac,
You’d turn your back,
And I’d be gone.”
Man looking back at the past few entries here you’d think I was nothing but a morose, mopey and angst ridden teenager. But I’m not. Okay well I’m not a teenager. But I do actually have things I love and enjoy. Things I see and feel that are positive and I am grateful for. So today I figure I’d share something good. Something right about my life and myself.
Jesus Christ – Now before you run off…Listen man! I ain’t no evangelical fop or born again zealot. I think I am sort of in agreeance with Mark Twain when he wrote “If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.” Not that I think Christians are bad. I am a Christian and I am not bad, I learning to know other Christians who are good and honest and humble folks. But when it comes to Christ I think he would find the systematic and rigid engines of Christianity kind of disappointing. He was a rebel, an outlaw and free thinker. He demanded we think for ourselves and find our own answers. He did speak in parables after all! He was cool as all get out too! I mean think about it. People were drawn to him and wanted to be close to him and know him. That charisma is what I love about him. If I could stand alone with him, away from scripture, away from tradition and away from religion I think I’d just want to ask one question. And that would be does he like Paul Newman movies. I figure it would be cool to just hang out with him and watch Cool Hand Luke.
Cool Hand Luke – My favorite movie. I can quote it word for word. And often do. It’s like a religion for me. “Takin’ it off here boss!”
Arthur Rimbaud – A Season In Hell is a brilliant and amazing lyrical poem. And Rimbaud is a fascinating guy. My favorite quote of his is “The battle for the soul is as brutal as the battles of men; but the sight of justice is the pleasure of God alone.
Yet this is the watch by night. Let us all accept new strength, and real tenderness. And at dawn, armed with glowing patience, we will enter the cities of glory.” Ain’t that something?
Cooking – I love cooking (though lately poverty makes that a rare occasion) and I am quite good at it. In fact there was a long time where I wanted to go to culinary school. Before every yahoo and bebop went to culinary school and saturated the market and made it seem a little silly. But who knows man…Maybe I will sometime, for me. Just for the experience.
Music – I love music, but so does everyone. Well mostly anyway. And it’s nothing to say. But for me I love the color, the texture of songs and music. The archaeology of the music. Where did the trail to the song come from. What was before this sound that fed it and nurtured it. Who is the person that is speaking from between the notes.
Misanthropy – It’s supposedly a bad thing to dislike people. But I don’t think it always is. I just find there is more people in the world who simply exist and do little else. It feels like they are so numb to the big experience around them that they become vacuums of light and beauty. I don’t hate anyone. Not anymore. And I don’t spite them. I just try to move through their zombie lives and not get bit. I pray for those that I see. But I invest little of myself. It’s selfish but man I got my scars and my wheelbarrow and I got to keep it straight.
Love – But I do find it an incredibly odd thing that I cannot just be some dusty old curmudgeon. I need people, a few at least. And I don’t like to be alone for too long. If I am alone with myself then Mister I am in dangerous company. But more than that I love love. Being in love and feeling love. The ancient connection and graceful movement. A soft hand slipped down into mine. The smile and whisper. The need and counting hours. The way a woman can reach into a place in me and push aside the rubble of battles fought long ago and bring out the hiding, trembling bird and let it free to fly. And the closeness and proximity of skin, eyes and hair. To feel that daring trust. That is truly an art we can all live in. I doubt I’ll ever find it again, I may not even want to. But the dreaming is enough…
Learning – Documentaries, newspapers and interesting corners of the internet. Whatever it is I don’t feel very choosy. I just love adding to knowledge. To learn is to live.
Warriors – Those that go into the great fight and come back carrying their wisdom and stories. Steve Earle, Bob Dylan, Henry Rollins, Charles Bukowski, Jack Kerouac and all the old legends and gun fighters. There is magic in knowing those that come out scarred and sore. If you get through untouched and uncut then you missed the experience. Me, I’m a warrior. That’s why I write this. To tell about the war. To give air to my experience.
Matthew Ryan – I love this guy. He is above and beyond an other musician in my universe. If you haven’t heard of him that’s because you haven’t turned over the right stones. He’s brilliant and writes incredible words worthy of praise and adoration.
“Sweet Mother Mary so many say they’ve seen you
But if I’m shown I promise I’ll lie
‘Cause most things are meaningless the more you get to know them
And down here love is the only gun I trust”
Ain’t that something? That’s one of my favorite passages of his song bible. He’s a good guy too. My friend Kathryn says I have a man crush on him. Maybe she’s right. But he just resonates with me. So here’s what you do. Listen to this…
And if you like it hit Google and search more out, do You Tube or find his website. He’s got a great new record coming out. And if you buy it he said he’d come to your house and give you lawn care tips…He told me so!
Oh and if that ain’t enough, I discovered him a few years back. I was introduced to his music by a gay cowboy…A gay cowboy! That has to count for something!!!
Okay so maybe I sound a little less like a shuffling Thorazine monkey and more human now. Do you love me? Let me know.