She’s my shining little star.
– Sam Cooke –
“A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.” – Author Unknown –
I got my daughter this morning. And as always she quite nearly bursts from her car-seat to get out to me. She laughs and claps and announces “Daddy!” and when she is finally out of the car she reaches for my neck and wraps her little arms around me as tight as she can and then kisses me and with her eyes sparkling she says “Missed you Daddy!” and I am complete. I become what I was meant to be, by God and fate.
It’s incredible, what fatherhood does for me. Alone I am unsure and anxious and full of self-doubt, I worry about people in the streets and I am afraid of crowded places. But with Ruby beside me, her little hand in mine I am sure, confident and fully aware of who I am, I am Daddy and you cannot take anything from me and you cannot scare me and I will know not one drop of fear. Because I would fight like a lion to protect her and to show her she is always safe with me. Also by some miracle I become patient and kind, I have grace and I can always find more of myself to give. It’s such a holy experience.
I have said this before and I will probably again, my daughter gives me more than I could ever give her. In the simple act of being. I owe her my heart, soul and life for that. She makes me the man I always wanted to be.
We were out for a walk this morning. You know I often sing to her. Anything from old blues to Neil Young to folk songs and Cat Stevens. Today I was singing Sam Cooke to her as we walking and dancing along, she was trying to sing as well. Getting one word in four right. It was wonderful and it was our world. As I came back to reality I noticed a couple of old ladies watching us and smiling. And one said “You’re such a good daddy for her.” She smiled and walked on. But inside I was glowing. Because no one can say a greater compliment to me. You could heap accolades on my writing, my humor, my appearance and charm but none would make me feel as honored and touched as knowing that you can see how I try, you see that I am in it to win. I want only to be the best father the world ever has known. Nothing else I do will ever matter so much to me. And if I am doing it right then it’s very easy to see. If I am not it’s easier still. It’s sort of like driving a bus. A passenger will know a good driver and be certain of a bad one.
I got me the best little girl in the universe. She’s smart as a whip and pretty as a flower. She is clever and sweet. And boy she says the greatest things. This morning I told her I had a surprise for her and my two year old angel exclaimed “Oh my goodness!” and then as we walked to the door I said “Honey would you like your surprise first or do you want breakfast?” then she put her finger to her mouth and pursed her lips and said “Hmmmmm…I think I would like my surprise first and then a cheese sandwich.” Ain’t she something?
And she announced in a store this morning “Daddy I would like to go pee on the toilet right now.” and I blushed. But I was so amused. She’s the greatest thing ever.
God granted me such an act of divine grace when he gave her to me and I am always grateful. As I write this she is sitting on the floor beside me playing with a puppet and putting on a puppet show for me. I am truly blessed.I am doing without so much right now, but love is not one of the things I have none of.
I know, gushing parents can be annoying. But I am not just gushing, I am redeeming. And that’s a big difference.