Transcendence and the dancing fool.
Hey, hello, how are ya?
I am currently sitting beside the window of my new apartment, it overlooks my mid-sized city and it’s night-time and it is actually quite pretty. The lights, and the sky. It’s a welcome change after many months of stifling and struggling.
So what is going on? What’s the swing of my dangle? Well I’ll tell ya ol’ hoss.
I was turning and tumbling and bouncing and reaching and time, the gods and fates had some surprises for me.
First and foremost a woman. A good woman, one of good character and intelligence. One who is clever and attractive. A woman who can match me intellectually and mentally. She showed up mostly by a series of turns of time and luck. A coffee date and a couple of dinners later and we were looking at the inside of a new relationship…So call me the fool. I swore off and swore up and down, no more of the fairer sex and certainly no more of relationships love and the politics of distance. But if I can attest to anything it’s that life will always make a liar of me.
But maybe this time it’s okay. Maybe I may be falling into a good thing. I know that I am sitting with the strange realization that I do feel some really strong things for her.
Currently she is away on a well deserved vacation and I am missing her fiercely. I want to share my time and self with her. And maybe I want to just sit and stare out the window with her. She is the yin to my yang and around her I feel balanced and capable. I like that feeling. My unease is less and the world may not be so scary.
My daughter is a wonder and a scary ride. I am left in awe and even in fear. I cannot imagine my life without her and it would kill me to ever be away from her too long. But lately I have sort of been wishing I could slow her aging a bit. I wish I could take more time to have her stay my baby. To absorb and delight in her learning. But she has other plans too…She is growing so fast and she is becoming so clever and sometimes she reminds me so much of myself and of my father. Her wilfulness, her wit and her tendency to test the boundaries of everything and anything. She’s a firecracker and she’s smart. A scary combination, at least for her old man. For the world, I give you warning now. Watch out, she’s going to put you all on your ear…I swear by this. And I’ll be so damn proud. So proud. SHe’s my hero you know? It’s true. She is what I want to be. Isn’t that a kicker?
The world. I don’t like it much. I find it just as abrasive and contradicting and I find myself confused as ever. But I am making my stand now. I am on my own feet and from here you ain’t getting any quarter. I’ll fight this time. And I figure I might not do it alone.
“Change is like going through a plate-glass window, you’ll probably make it through. But it may leave some scars.”
– J.R. Romanovitch –
More true than ever.
BTW….The short story Too Bad…I got to re-write the second part. I didn’t like how it fell down. I’ll get to it I promise.